Carolyn Wing Greenlee
Introduction
If you had asked me eighteen months ago why I was writing this book, I would have said, “I want people to know how it felt to thrash through my blindness, and what it was like to be behind the walls of a unique and marvelous school.” But now I say it’s about how our worst nightmares can become the source of our greatest healing. Every time I worked through another edit, I received new insight into the significance of ordinary occurrences. It was surprising and enriching, and it made me curious to see what else I would find as I listened to myself tell about each day’s tasks. I think most of us have such busy schedules that we don’t take time to read our lives. We miss the deep significance of the mundane. After eleven edits of this book, I can now say, “The Daily Divine is in the details.”
A Google search for “America’s #1 most feared disability” yielded several startling articles, including one from the professional journal, Psychosomatics, in which subjects with vision loss were found to be much more adversely affected than those who lost one of the other five senses. In fact, research shows they were commonly depressed even to the point of becoming suicidal. Blindness creates a radical change in lifestyle. It involves loss of employment, self-sufficiency, and self-esteem. Some researchers said subjects experienced a grief reaction, mourning the loss of their sighted self. When I struggled through the two years covered in this book, I had no idea that my reactions to my loss were so typical, or so dangerous. It would have been far too easy to quit trying—except there were dedicated people who would not let me lie down in the snow and go to sleep, so to speak. Three individuals in particular prepared me for the transforming time to come: Scott Kies, Dr. Susan Hirshfield, and Haruyo Nishimura. They directed me to solid ground and encouraged me to plant my feet upon it. I had no idea that what would come next would shake foundations I’d been standing on all my life.
In November of 2008, I entered a community of blind and visually impaired at Guide Dogs for the Blind in San Rafael, California. Our goal? To graduate with a guide dog and live in partnership with a live, responsive “mobility tool.”
Much more than that happened, of course. A bunch of adults living together for twenty-eight days in a dorm, keeping long hours and learning skills unlike anything we’d encountered our whole lives—it was a mix of learning, personalities, needs, and focus. Out of it came surprising depth of healing, freedom, and friendship.
I have often longed to go back to GDB and bask again in the nurture and support I received there, but the students would be different, the dogs would be different. Even the staff would be different—at least parts of it. My way of preserving the memory of that generous time is this book. There are many names because I wanted to honor all who touched my life there. Some names have been changed—either to protect their privacy, or because I could not reach the people to get their permission. All others are themselves, including the instructors—who really are that good.
When I first began inquiring into getting a guide dog, I didn’t have a clue what was involved. It would have helped me to have a book like this to answer my questions and provide a detailed look at what I would be facing in this life-changing choice.
My counselor, Dr. Susan Hirshfield, said, “You can fight the blindness…or you can embrace it and see what happens.” What happened was—and continues to be—some of the best change in my life. If I were told I could have my sight back but I would have to give up all that I’ve gotten out of the experience (including my dog), I believe I would turn it down. I am more whole now than all the years before.
Whether you’re facing your own terrifying plunge into darkness or are simply satisfying your curiosity about the guide dog lifestyle, I pray my attention to the Daily Divine will open your eyes to the divine in your life, show you its meaning, its potential, and the beauty that lies just out of sight, waiting to be found.
—Carolyn Wing Greenlee
June, 2010
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